I don't know what to make of her, this woman who lives next
door to me. One thing's for certain: she's no ninny. I had thought she
might be, but I’m thinking I was way off on my initial read on her. Been known
to be wrong on occasion, I’ll admit it. A little surprised that I
was so off about her, though.
Usually, I am able to read people fairly accurately. It's
one of my strong points--that I read people well--usually. But, my new neighbor
is an anomaly and I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't, at the least,
intrigued. I mean, she uses the Latin terms for things--who does
that besides science nerds like me?!
She doesn’t seem all that impressed with me, though. I mean,
that I’m intrigued. That I’m interested. I suppose something
happened to her once. Or twice. Or whatever. As with so many of us, something
hurt or shocked her and she shut a part of herself down. She appears bubbly and
receptive on the one hand, but iron clad on the other. I wanna know where the
door is, where the key is but she’s not giving out any hints.
She says she doesn’t date.
“Why don’t you?”
“Because I don’t.”
That’s all she said. As I if that explained it all—as if it
was completely natural. Which it isn’t. Not in my view at any rate.
“Think of me as a nun,” she said.
“A nun?” I spat. Because ain’t no way that’s gonna happen.
“Why? Because you aren’t getting’ ‘none’?”
“Hardly.”
Again, she reverts back to silence, thinking her clipped
responses are adequate explanations. So, it’s no mystery why I’m at
a loss to understand her. She smiles up at me, softly, patiently,
and I wished to God that I wasn’t.
“I’m sorry,” I offer. “I just don’t get it.”
“There’s nothing to ‘get’. I don’t date. I’m alone
in that I am a woman living her life without the companionship and love of a
man, in that I am loverless; and I do not date. It’s just that simple. Nothing
more complex about it.“
She looks at me compassionately noticing that my brow is
furrowed.
“I think that my life may be about something else
altogether. I believe in partnership—don’t get me wrong. And, I’m all about THE
LOVE. Although it’s true that I haven’t had the fortune in
relationships as you have, living solo seems to fit the nature of who I am—it
does make sense. If you knew me. “
“Fortune!?” Is she kidding? First wife didn’t want to have
kids and the one who did—well, I’m not sure yet what happened there. I just
know how alone I’ve felt in both marriages.
“Yes. You’ve had the good fortune to find women who loved
you for who you are and who wanted to be with you. They didn’t leave
you—you left them. There is something to be said for the power of want.“
“Oh, right. Your continuum concept.”
She shrugs.
“I am not unhappy,” she admits.
I believe her, begrudgingly because truth be told, I am. I
can’t conceive of living the way she does. As I watch her, I shake my head
because her solitude seems like such a waste.
“I know what you’re thinking and that’s not true—I am not
alone in life. Just in love.”
She smiles as me thinking she’s witty. Being able to read my
thoughts and all.
“Not witty—I can just hear the gears grinding.”
She dodges the balled up socks that I toss at her and I
begin the process of absorbing what she’s conveyed to me. I don’t
want to be alone—had enough of that. And I do want romance and sex in my life.
Lots of it.
“No one said you have to be alone.”
I look at her in shock.
“How are you doing that!” This chick is spooky as shit.
Maybe that explains it.
“Pshaw! Yeah, OK,” she snorts.
I give up.
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